I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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