If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
