I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
