i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
