I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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