Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
