i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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