we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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