adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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