I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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