Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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