They should really pass out barf bags in church
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
