Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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