"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
