I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
