i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize