my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
