You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
