Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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