Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
