meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
