there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I want a musical about memes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
