I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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