He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it hurts more in the daytime
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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