I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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