Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
