Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
