So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
