She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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