I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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