I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
