I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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