Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i will never coherently bang her
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
