I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
