Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
