I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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