Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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