What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
