HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
