just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
