I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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