ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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