You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
