Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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