Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
