So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
