hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
