Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
