Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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