I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
