the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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