Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize