I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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