Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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