I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
