i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
