and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
