Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
