Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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