dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
