whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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