Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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