So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
