so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
