Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
