also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
