dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
