My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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