respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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