I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
