Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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