someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
